HELLO SANITY
First time I made an
acquaintance with sanity I was of raw stature and tentative in gait, devoid of
the corruptions and the malice of this world. My innocence glowed at the
corners of my corn teeth and my stupor was undeniably adorable. My mirth lit up
more than a glimmer of grins on my seniors’ face whose hearts I uncontrollably owned.
You should have seen the effort they put in making funny faces just to see that
rare yet intoxicating smile of mine.
To my mother I was this
insuppressible cough of pride that she never hesitated to blurt out at her
fellows. To my dad I was this eternal trophy he would kiss goodnight and wink
at daily in admiration. And to my sibling, I was that force to reckon with yet
a role model to emulate. And oh yes! The days of sanity happened to be congruent
to the days of my innocence. I knew nothing, I had no ideas yet I was an
enigma.
In me was the potency to erupt
into the best I could ever be. This kept everyone around me sighing with
positive anxiety. They clasped the arms of their hopes in dire anticipation and
twitched their muscles in preparation for a rhythmical celebration mood.
But then sanity left me. The
reality of the harsh world stifled me. The forces of Mother Nature cajoled me
and being human I conformed. Then insanity left. My innocence effervesced into the
amorphous froth of fallacies and pursuit of youthful pleasures. I overindulged,
made merry, made friends, made enemies, brought joy and broke many hearts. I
fell in love, landed in deals, cheated and saved the weak; all in a mash-up misperception.
The driving force to my chaotic
deeds I could not grasp. But the vigour I had, the time I wasted seemed
deliberate at the time in as much as it now seems like I knew not what I was
doing back then. I may have pilfered some coins along the way and used it all
in one place, I may have had much minutes to my disposal and used it all for
nothing, I can’t tell.
But then time and tide waits
for no one. With the passing of time, even the inanimate suffer wear and tear;
so does the soul. However, the beauty of it is that the soul gets renewed and
transformed. Mine was renewed recently.
I withdrew into my solitude,
and reflected on my past. I looked yonder and the trail from my rear and noted
heavy deep trails. I was loaded with unforgiveness, bitterness stress, worries
and unnecessary anxiety. I was full of matter which was weighty and took
dominion of the space in my heart and mind. I could no longer make sound
decisions, I could no longer valid arguments and arrive at convincing premises
and I could no longer stir laughter around me. My vision had been clouded by
the pride of my miniature accomplishments, my limits restraint by my towering
ego and my conscience seared with dense guilt. I had held on to much.
Then it hit me that I had not been myself for
a long time. I had forgotten my roots, where I had come. I had lost my bearing
not knowing which way I was headed. I had mixed pleasure with business and
ended up in a company that had corrupted my good morals, worst of which was my
compromising personality.
Most of these things I could
not change for instance my personality which is an accident; so I had to find a
way of taming it and subjecting it to the ultimate higher good that surpasses
even my most desired of wants. Those that I could change I did away with. I
gained hope and belief again and even the impossible became possible. The
childhood dreams are even now more lucidly clear than ever. I learnt myself, calibrated
myself and aligned myself to God’s purpose for my life. I met sanity once
again.
6 comments
you should write a journal, you sound like Elijah of the originals... nice piece
ReplyDeleteMuch appreciated Max. A little longer and the journal shall be published.
DeleteI still think you're insane. Lots.
ReplyDeleteDude! I lost it long ago.
DeleteThis is so good! Personal yet somehow anyone can relate..I second Max! Start a journal
ReplyDeleteThanks Yvette! It is personal yet still generic...A little longer and the journal shall be published.
Delete